I don’t know if it’s just that I am sort of in the beauty industry, or the blogging world or if it’s just that I spend time on social media but I feel like I’m battling certain things fairly often. I’ve talked about insecurities and comparing myself before but I feel like I need the reminder/pep talk on how to handle it pretty regularly. Mostly because I have bad habits. Bad ways of dealing with my insecurities and feelings of being not good enough that are knee jerk reactions, that I’m actually pretty ashamed of myself for so it’s hard to admit. But for me it always helps to identify my bad habits and replace them with better alternatives. I decided since it was on my mind I might as well share my strategies in case anyone else was (or sometimes is) feeling the same way.
When I start comparing myself to someone who I believe is more successful/talented/beautiful/better at life…whatever.
Habit: Look for flaws in them.
Why it doesn’t help: Sure blaming photoshop might give me a temporary feeling of relief but that only further instills the idea that “it’s OK as long as I’m winning” which sets me up for future disappointment.
Instead: Try my best to remind myself that we are all on the same side! If (whoever) is doing good that is awesome! I’m rooting for her! I can find ways to feel solidarity and even take some time to encourage her or share that I think she’s really amazing.
It’s also not the worst idea to take a break from keeping tabs on people that trigger this response in me. If I find I’m only following someone on instagram so I can be jealous of them every time they post, that’s not doing anyone any good and I kindly remove them from my feed.
Bad Habit #2: Finding someone else who is I can compare myself to who might be doing worse than me in that area.
Why it doesn’t help: Here again I’m only feeling better for a moment because by finding someone who’s “losing” the focus is still on winning. And if life’s a game and someone’s losing…it’s bound to be me next time and then I’ll have to start all over again. Vicious cycle.
instead: Finding someone who needs help who I can serve in some way. In this case it does help remind me that I’m not the only one with problems (which pulls me out of my box) which is for me a positive thing. I can help them and that reminds me that I have something to offer that is good. Which makes me feel good without comparing myself to anything.
When I start feeling down or bad about myself.
Bad Habit: Buying something I can’t afford. Eating something fattening. Or something else with instant gratification that will give me a high + a crash.
Why it doesn’t really help:Have I mentioned temporary relief yet? Yeah. Except with this one I’ll probably be left with the same feeling I had to begin with + guilt which is totally not favorite.
Instead: I do see a need to take a break, enjoy myself and think about something else. I’d just prefer it’s something I’m still going to feel good about after word. Like go on a walk/hike/swim. Go to lunch with a girlfriend. GO on a date with my husband. Work on a hobby. Accomplish a goal. Watch a comedy. DO something new and refreshing and out of my comfort zone. Anything that will press the “reset” button.
Bad Habit #2: Trying to convince myself that I don’t care that (insert whatever it is here: I gained weight, my bank account is crap, I’m not good enough. I’m not feeling pretty.) .
Why it doesn’t really help: because I’m just lying to myself I DO CARE. Saying I don’t care is a lie and since I’m compelled to see through the lie (being the person who’s telling the lie and everything) It’s just pointless.
Instead:Remind myself that (blank) does not define my worth. Perhaps I did gain 5lbs but my weight does not define my worth. I remind myself of that often and it does help because I’m not lying. I know that I might need to make changes. To eat healthier or budget better…whatever it is and that’s ok because in the meantime I’m not letting myself get discouraged because making mistakes or having flaws does not make me unworthy of love & happiness and that’s just a fact:)
Hopefully some of you relate to some of this, I hesitated posting it because I’m always working on it and it’s definitely not something I’m even close to mastering. It helps me to share with you guys because you’re so compassionate and supportive and I always find much more wisdom in your comments than in mine.