I am a girls, girl.
I love us.
Seriously, we are so rad.
Sometimes I hear girls complaining about each other. It’s generally based around them being drama or catty or gossipy. Now, I am not saying that there isn’t ever any truth to that or that the girls who say that don’t have good reasons for feeling that way. Skiddish stuff can happen and sometimes it has catty-gosspiy-dramaholic girls written all over it.
Here’s the thing though, I don’t think it is because girls are mean. In fact that is one of the things I love most about them is that they are SO kind. One piece of evidence to back me up on that is only 10% of all murders in history were commited by a women! This tells me that we don’t really like killing people, which means we must like other people a fair amount, right?
Anyway I am getting off course (as usual) What I am getting at is that I think most of the other BS is based around one main thing.
Good old fashioned jealousy.
We get jealous.
Which makes sense. We are all trying so dang hard to be perfect in so many ways and it seems like every time we turn around SOMEONE is doing it better!
Someone looks better, works harder, has more money, has better behaved kids or a nicer kept house or whatever it is.The only way you are gonna feel better is to find out what they really suck at. Or to decide that their just faking it.
You gotta level the playing field somehow, then you’ll feel better right?
Well, that’s kind of the problem,
tearing them down really doesn’t make you feel better at all.
It might for a moment give you a small sigh of relief that, in fact, you aren’t losing in the race of life, but negativity never did bring anyone happiness. It grows and seeps into other areas of your life. Plus, you really have to open your heart to the idea that your thoughts aren’t as private as you may think. Sometimes when you are judging someone they can feel it from ten feet away without you saying a word. Then they’ll probably feel insecure which means they feel the need to judge you and so on…
So wanted to tell you guys an ACTUAL true story, at the risk of embarrassing myself…for the sake of being open and honest about my own green eyed monster and what I have learned to do when he rears his ugly head, things that helped me profoundly in my life and in my relationships with women.
I don’t know if you guys have heard of thebarefootblonde? (If not. you are missing out, she has an AMAZING fashion/beauty/life blog HERE) anyway, she is SICKNINGLY gorgeous, talented, sweet funny… you know, the works.
When I first saw her blog I couldn’t even handle it.
How does someone just be that perfect? I could never be that perfect.
I am so ashamed to say that I started trying to find flaws.
Which proved to be almost impossible.
I have been through this before so this time I caught my jealousy in it’s early stages.
Which is step one.
Admit you are a little jealous. This takes a A BUNCH of pride swallowing and seems really hard, but once you do it it’s SUCH a relief.
I admitted to myself “Hey cara, you are completely jealous of barefootblonde
and you know it.” …but don’t stop there…
Figure out why and learn from it. You have to figure out what you’re actually insecure about and usually it amounts to nothing. In this case:
OK, she’s really pretty. What could her being so pretty possibly do to threaten me? Is there a pretty contest going on and I have my money on someone else? Nope?
Exactly, next step (this is the best one)
Get on their TEAM! It’s really hard to be jealous of someone when you are rooting for them. All it takes is a simple shift of focus. Rather than feeling like I was in competition with Amber (that’s her name) I realized we are actually on the same team and there is so much I really like, admire and have to learn from her!
There is nothing I have to gain from her being any less amazing. In fact I have so much to gain from her amazingness! I have her beauty and ideas to inspire me and when you are on someones side you get to celebrate their successes too! You get to breathe in some of that positivity yourself!
You might have to work at it in the beginning, but after a while it becomes second nature.
I get so excited when I see a photo of her looking beautiful or when she has an amazing post. And positivity grows just like negativity does, so I am sure that feeling spills over in ways I don’t even know about.
Finally, use this experience to help you in the future.
From now on when jealousy or negativity is being unnecessarily thrown your direction you’ll understand that it’s most likely not motivated by meanness, just insecurity.
So feel a some compassion and move on.
Because hey, you’ve been there.
P.S. I am so not trying to say I am the expert on this or that I have mastered it. I have just found admitting my stuff and what I learned from it helps me so much and I find out a lot of other women feel the same way, so if you have made other discoveries on the subject or if you need to get your jealousy moment out in the open PLEASE share!